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Shame and Blame

Genesis 3

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

The LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field; on your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.”

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them. Then the LORD God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.” (Genesis 3:1–24 ESV)

Verse 1: Introduction of Doubt

Enter the serpent. It is odd enough that a snake talks here, but let’s lay that aside, and realize that this serpent is the embodiment of Satan, the evil one. We have spent two lessons talking about the ideal marriage that God has set up, and here we begin to see the pathways for the destruction of that marriage, or the departure form the flourishing way that God has envisioned marriage to travel. The first thing he does is question what God had said. He says to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” (ESV)

If we remember that Adam was the one given the instruction from God, the serpent is effectively bringing into question both the authority of God and the reliability of her husband. He is with one word, bringing into doubt the woman’s two most crucial relationships.

Verse 6: The temptation

The seed of doubt causes Eve’s soul to feel uncertainty and doubt, and she feels a need for answers. Her security is broken. She asks, am I really OK? Then the serpent offers an answer to her questions and longings. He offers the temptation of the forbidden fruit. Maybe if she takes this fruit, she can be in control of her life, she can manage the uncertainty better. How about for you? What temptations do you struggle with? Can you pinpoint a fear or a need in your soul that your temptations are trying to address? Is your anger an attempt to reign in and control the uncertainty in your relationships? Is your need to gossip really feeding a need to feel important in your friendships? Is your propensity to hide your true self from others evidence for a struggle to accept your own value?

Adam is tempted too. His temptation seems passive here: he loves Eve, he delights in her, he likes her a lot, and he wants her to like him. Perhaps he is one who prefers to avoid conflict. When Eve is tempted by this serpent, Adam doesn’t step in to make sure she is aware of what God really said. He actually lets it happen, preferring to satisfy his wife more than to obey God. Leading is not easy, but Adam was responsible for what God had commanded, and he left his responsibility behind here.

Verse 7: Shame in the Marriage

Now we see the most beautiful ideal of marriage undone: Adam and Eve feel shame and begin to make coverings for themselves. Adam is no longer free to be naked before his wife without shame. Neither is Eve. they now have something to hide, something to keep as a secret, something they would rather not talk about. The most intimate horizontal relationship is now broken.

Verse 8: Shame before God

Not only have they begun to hide from one another, but when God enters, they want to completely hide themselves; the fig leaves don’t seem to be enough before a Holy God. The ashamed couple hide in the trees. God knows where they are, but knowing their hearts, He asks, “Where are you?” Remember chapter two? how God created man? He made him of clay and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils. The first thing man was aware of was the face of God before him, breathing life into him! Now this most intimate parent figure is pushed away by the shame of sin. Notice that God doesn’t avoid Adam — Adam avoids God.

In what ways does your sin push God out of your marriage? Confession and repentance to God is essential for us to be able to repent to one another. Broken intimacy with God is the root problem that must be overcome to fix broken intimacy in our marriages. Notice that Adam and Eve cover themselves a little before one another, but completely hide before God. Broken intimacy with God is our biggest problem.

Verse 12: Blame

In verse 12, we see Adam justifying himself by accusing both God and his wife as bearing blame for his sin. He says, it was “The woman [Eve] You [God] gave to be with me.” Adam doesn’t take responsibility for his own action, but blames the woman, as well as the one who gave the woman. This action further pushes the marriage apart.

Do you see how Adam’s blame of his wife is really him blaming God who had given the wife? In what ways do you blame one another in your relationship? Are there areas where you clearly see that you are blaming God?

Verse 15: The enemy and the redeemer

We are, in this verse, made aware that there is an enemy that is going to be working around the clock to disrupt and derail our marriages (1 Pet 5:8). On one hand, we have our own fears and sin. On the other we have Satan who is incessantly whispering, tempting, and accusing. If we want a Godly marriage, we have our work cut out for us! Do you know that in Revelation, Satan is called the Great Accuser? When we blame one another, we are speaking Satan’s language. Yet in this same verse, a savior is promised. One will be born of a woman who will destroy Satan forever. That is Jesus. More on that later.

Verse 16: The woman is cursed

Women will have pain in childbearing. Eve sought security and strength by eating the fruit; she wanted to be like God. Now the process of bearing children will be painful and make the woman vulnerable and in need of someone to guard and protect her.

Eve also took the lead in eating the fruit. God here reinforces the order of authority: the husband will rule over the wife.

VErse 17: the curse of the man

Why is there a cures? Adam listened and heeded his wife’s desires over Gods. This is important. The infraction is not simply that Adam listened to his wife at all, it is that he listened to his wife over and against God’s word. Adam had the privilege of all the food in the garden, but he did not steward his privilege responsibly, and that privilege was taken from him. Now man must work and toil. This curse emphasizes the importance for us to first and foremost, hold fast to the Word fo Truth. That goes for husbands and wives!

Verse 21: The first Sacrifice

Thankfully, the chapter ends in hope. God mercifully provides clothing to more effectively hide and cover their shame, but their sin here is punctuated by the first sacrifice; the clothing is made of skin. We may think lightly of this, but it would be good to realize the impact of this event on Adam and Eve. They had lived in a paradise where nothing died; death was not present. But at this moment, God sacrifices a sheep to cover their sin. Adam and Eve would look on in horror at this event; the wight of sin would be apparent to them. The wages of sin is death. This sacrifice is a foreshadowing of Jesus, the ultimate Lamb of God who would take away the sin of the world, and who we “put on” in baptism (Gal 3:27).

Conclusion

There is a lot in the chapter, and a lot more that we could talk about. Sin is an awful reality and can really rip apart a marriage. Reflect on some of the verses highlighted; there are things going on in your marriage that make your marriage a struggle. Those struggles are related to sin, a lack of intimacy both between you and your spouse and between you and God. They are related to shame, mistrust, and what we do to hide from one another and from God. Our struggles often relate to wives trying desperately to lead and to seek security by any means necessary, or to husbands either leading as tyrants, or passively delegating authority to their wives, because after all, happy wife = happy life, right? Ultimately, our struggles come from our disobeying the Word of God, and hiding from Him.

What are the biggest ways Sin is affecting your marriage?

What areas do you find yourself blaming one another or God?

What is one step you wish you could take as a couple that sin is hindering?

What is one step you wish you could take as individuals that is hindered by sin?