“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:18–25 ESV)
It Is Not Good
The first thing that was pronounced “not good” in creation, is for man to be alone. We were made for community. God is triune and in constant eternal community. Being made in His image, we are made for community. God declares that it isn’t good for man to be alone. Perhaps we can think about why?
Think about times you have felt lonely. It is often in loneliness that we begin to wallow in self-doubt. It is in loneliness that we often find ourselves most tempted by sin. In loneliness we find it impossible to overcome addictions. By ourselves, we can do little. There is an American ideal of being able to be a self-made man or woman. The idea of pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps. That idea is inherently wrong. When we think of it, even those who have “made a name for themselves” have done so with either the direct or indirect help of others. None of us is an island.
In Ecclesiastes, we read,
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 ESV)
We are made for community. And the first and most important community is our marriage.
Woman: Taken Out of Man
God uses a very specific image to describe Man and Woman’s relationship. God takes a rib from Adam and crafts the woman. God created Adam from dust. In Genesis 1:27 we read that God created them male and female. But here we see man alone in the garden, and God took a rib from him to craft Eve. This is a great mystery. What we see is that God created Man to be male and female. But he made Adam of the dust and made Eve from part of Adam.
In this way, a wife is not simply a companion to a man, but actually a part of a man; his own flesh. Paul defends a Husband’s responsibility to love his wife by reminding us that no man hated his own flesh (Eph 5:28–31). Adam responds to the woman by saying, “at last, this is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23). There is to be a profound unity in marriage! We will explore that this week.
This story is also the foundation for the man being head of the home: Adam had responsibility for Eve. Let me show you how. Firstly, God’s commands regarding the trees in the midst of the garden were given to Adam before Eve was created (Gen 2:15–17)! Adam had responsibility to convey the truth of God to his wife and to protect her from sin. Also, we see Adam gives his wife the name ‘Woman’ in Genesis 2:23. God named Adam (Adam is the Hebrew word used for ‘man’ in Genesis 1:26), but Adam named Woman (Gen 2:23). This is also symbolic of responsibility. The man is to be the Spiritual head of the home. Now this is not to be taken as an effort to support male superiority. It is simply how God has ordered the marriage. The leadership or headship of the man is not to be taken lightly! It suggests that at the judgment, Man will have to answer for how he has managed his household! The burden of responsibility is heavy, but we all are responsible to God in the degree he has given us responsibility. In the world’s perspective, this is just a pitch to keep a male-dominated marriage. However, biblically this is far from the case. God is the head of the marriage, and the husband is anointed by God to lead the marriage in obedience to God.
Leave and Cleave
I mentioned in the first post that if society were an organism, the marriage would be the cell unit. Leaving and cleaving is how the cells multiply! What does this verse mean for our marriages in the most simple terms? It means for the men, that mom is no longer woman #1 in your life. Your wife is. Your allegiance and your primary ministry is now to your wife, and you must prefer her over your own parents. for women, it is the same. Once, your parents had authority over you and were one of the biggest influences in your life. Now your Husband must come first! A new family is crafted when a man and a woman commit to one another in marriage. Here are a few questions to think about regarding leaving and cleaving:
- Are you financially independent from your parents? (This would mean that although you may accept gifts from your parents, you are not dependent on your parents for money.)
- When you make major decisions, who has the final say?
Naked and Unashamed
The final verse in Genesis chapter 2 is by far the most profound and wonderful. So what does it mean that the man and his wife were naked and unashamed? Adam saw Eve, all of her, unhidden, unadulterated, unashamed, and he loved her, he accepted her, he knew her. Eve, as well, saw Adam, all of him, and she loved him, she trusted him, she respected him. This is what I want in my marriage! I know that is what you want in your marriage.
This describes a vulnerable intimacy that we all long for. Most of us will never have it, not because no one is willing to love us, but because we aren’t willing to allow anyone to love us, even our spouse. One of the greatest fears in a relationships is the fear that we are not good enough, or the fear that we are not loved or accepted, or at least wouldn’t be if the person in question really knew the truth of who we are. Marriage is the place where God has placed you as a unique person in your spouse’s life; you get to love your spouse unconditionally, and demonstrate God’s love in their life; a love that loves them through and through, the good and the bad. This is made more profound in physical intimacy. In physical intimacy we invite our spouse into the secret parts of our body to enjoy one another.
Pursuing Oneness
Culture is skeptical of real intimacy. You may have heard advice to make sure that your bank account is separate, or to have a prenuptial agreement before you get married. We are taught, sometimes by our cultures, to not trust even our spouse. My challenge to you is this: trusting your spouse is trusting that God put the person in your life that is supposed to be there! Intimacy is a risk. The more you share with your spouse, the more risk there is of your spouse hurting you. But you can’t have intimacy without this risk.
Oneness is the man taking responsibility to love his wife, to be willing to be vulnerable and allow her to know him, and to lead his home out of reverence for Christ. Oneness is the woman submitting to her husband in respect, willing to be vulnerable, and allowing him to know her. Oneness is living as if you are one flesh. Just like the church in Acts 2:44 had all things in common, so much more should husband and wife regard all things in common.
For your couch time, discuss intimacy and oneness. In what ways are you doing well? How are you united? You can think in these terms:
- Your past: Are there things you are afraid to share with one another?
- Your possessions: Do you share a bank account, or do you have separate ones?
- Leaving and Cleaving: Is your new family your top priority? Or are you still clinging to your parents in some ways?